[He heaves a sigh as he settles back against the wall.]
When I think about how I let myself stray from the path, and then commit more and more atrocities while reassuring myself it was all for the greater good... That sort of a person is... difficult for me to forgive.
I wasn't forced. Coerced, at best. Yet the corruption already had a seed inside of me before... that god played any part.
I know better than to argue against you all. I know some of you have your own stories of similar or worse misdeeds.
[He's quiet for awhile, then looks slowly to Aiden.]
... I'm almost certain I have one myself, you know. [He gives a weak smile.] A Palace... [He looks away, the smile quickly falling apart.] Again.
[Shido eyes him for a moment at that first comment. As for what comes after, he takes a deep breath and holds it together with a blink for a moment, then lets out the exhale.
It's... bad to have a palace. He feels terrible shame over it. But...]
Yes. I've been a coward for far too long... [His eyes narrow slightly with pain.] Avoiding this because of the shame over my first palace. [He gives a wry smirk.] I've been... avoiding the problem again. Just as I was the first time. [His hands tighten into fists at his sides.] I clearly... haven't learned a damn thing, have I?
You're doing it now, right? I don't think it's about... what you should have done, more than it is about what you're clawing your way out of... in this moment, right here, right now.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2018-09-08 11:01 pm (UTC)Which part? Or... is it just all of it?
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Date: 2018-09-14 04:28 pm (UTC)When I think about how I let myself stray from the path, and then commit more and more atrocities while reassuring myself it was all for the greater good... That sort of a person is... difficult for me to forgive.
I wasn't forced. Coerced, at best. Yet the corruption already had a seed inside of me before... that god played any part.
I know better than to argue against you all. I know some of you have your own stories of similar or worse misdeeds.
[He's quiet for awhile, then looks slowly to Aiden.]
... I'm almost certain I have one myself, you know. [He gives a weak smile.] A Palace... [He looks away, the smile quickly falling apart.] Again.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-22 05:03 pm (UTC)Everyone has a seed of bad, from the moment they're all old enough to think for themselves.
[ There's a soft frown as he thinks over the last part. ]
Given what I've learned about them, I wouldn't be surprised... [ looking to the floor ] ... Do you want to find out, for sure?
no subject
Date: 2018-09-24 04:41 am (UTC)It's... bad to have a palace. He feels terrible shame over it. But...]
Yes. I've been a coward for far too long... [His eyes narrow slightly with pain.] Avoiding this because of the shame over my first palace. [He gives a wry smirk.] I've been... avoiding the problem again. Just as I was the first time. [His hands tighten into fists at his sides.] I clearly... haven't learned a damn thing, have I?
[Shido lets out a small laugh, bitter and sharp.]
no subject
Date: 2018-09-24 05:17 am (UTC)... Bad to have a Palace, you say...
Why not say that to Aiden's face, buddy. :v ]
Did you ever reach out, at all, the first time?
no subject
Date: 2018-09-25 09:09 pm (UTC)And his brow furrows at that.]
I should have. And I should have done this sooner. [he seems... rather intent on beating himself up about this]
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Date: 2018-11-05 05:53 am (UTC)You're doing it now, right? I don't think it's about... what you should have done, more than it is about what you're clawing your way out of... in this moment, right here, right now.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-27 11:03 pm (UTC)...yes, perhaps you're right.
[He gives a bit of a smile, just a touch wry.]
You're quite kind to this old man.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-28 11:07 am (UTC)Well... you'd fight... my demons, too, right?
no subject
Date: 2018-12-02 07:55 pm (UTC)Isn't that what I have been doing?
no subject
Date: 2018-12-05 02:24 pm (UTC)... Yeah.
[ He gives the hint of a smile. ]
It means a lot.