[ He's pressing a hand to the back of his neck as he hovers in the doorway for a moment. There's a look of conflict on his face for a moment as he closes the door and then walks over to the bed... ]
Fair enough...
[ AKA he's been caught, and he knows it. Though, in spite of that, he's hesitantly nodding. ]
I'm...
[ ... realizing that lying to Masayoshi is stupid, after a moment. Which is why he might appear to deflate, and then cringe, soon after. ]
Well... [ deep breath... then, quietly: ] ... I'm tired.
Aiden, please, I don't want you endangering or pushing yourself that hard on my behalf.
[He draws in a breath, then looks to him.] ... two weeks from this point on. Obviously it's up to you to enforce that, but... your magic has obviously had a negative impact on you, and I worry what may happen if you strain yourself too much again this soon.
[ His gaze rests on the floor for a moment. It's several seconds before he quietly responds. ]
Okay.
[ There's a moment where his hand reaches out, hovers, and then draws back... And then, after a moment of visible consideration, he reaches out to rest his hand on Masayoshi's shoulder. ]
I can't promise I wouldn't do it, again, in a similar circumstance... but I won't use anymore magic for two weeks, if nobody's life is at risk, again...
[ There's a little more hesitation, but he's moving to sit down, hand very lightly patting Masayoshi's knee. ]
[He watches him take a seat, and when he says that... his expression tenses a little briefly— like he isn't sure what to say...
There's a great bit of hesitance here as his gaze drops away, but when they finally do come back up to Aiden, there's something... slightly vulnerable in them.]
What is it that you see in me? I can't— figure it out.
[Sure, he hasn't hurt Aiden like he's hurt Akira and Goro— those kids are even more of a mystery to him... but he hasn't been anything... extraordinary? In fact he'd... really fucked up, at one point, so why is Aiden still insisting on this...]
[ His eyebrows lift. Then, he gives a dim smirk. ]
My list is similar to yours, I suppose... [ pressing a hand to the back of his neck ] You carry a lot of feelings similar to mine, and to what Goro's felt.
[ There's a soft frown. ]
When I think of you, I imagine a person attempting to walk through a dense storm. They're barely able to make out the figures in the distance, but they know that those are figures of people they care about.
So they keep going, even when they have to shield their eyes from the intense rain, and even when the wind continues to try forcing them backwards a bit. That person never gives up, even if it is more for those people waiting for them in the distance, than for their own sake...
[ He's giving a dim sort of smile - there's something sad to it, even as there's something softening in his voice. ]
And, sure... they might stumble backwards a little... but that's okay. Sometimes you can't help the force of the wind, or how blinding the rain is. Sometimes it's all we can do to stay upright. And sometimes it's all we can do to take a moment to wait it out a bit. It's not about the intensity of the storm, though, is it? It's about how strong we fight against it...
[He heaves a sigh as he settles back against the wall.]
When I think about how I let myself stray from the path, and then commit more and more atrocities while reassuring myself it was all for the greater good... That sort of a person is... difficult for me to forgive.
I wasn't forced. Coerced, at best. Yet the corruption already had a seed inside of me before... that god played any part.
I know better than to argue against you all. I know some of you have your own stories of similar or worse misdeeds.
[He's quiet for awhile, then looks slowly to Aiden.]
... I'm almost certain I have one myself, you know. [He gives a weak smile.] A Palace... [He looks away, the smile quickly falling apart.] Again.
[Shido eyes him for a moment at that first comment. As for what comes after, he takes a deep breath and holds it together with a blink for a moment, then lets out the exhale.
It's... bad to have a palace. He feels terrible shame over it. But...]
Yes. I've been a coward for far too long... [His eyes narrow slightly with pain.] Avoiding this because of the shame over my first palace. [He gives a wry smirk.] I've been... avoiding the problem again. Just as I was the first time. [His hands tighten into fists at his sides.] I clearly... haven't learned a damn thing, have I?
You're doing it now, right? I don't think it's about... what you should have done, more than it is about what you're clawing your way out of... in this moment, right here, right now.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 12:50 pm (UTC)Yeah... But I feel like I should be asking that question, more than you asking it. You're still in the recovery period, right?
[ Sorry, Shido; he's slipping back into the mindset that screams that he's fine, he's totally great, etc. Right now, his priority is the older man. ]
Let's get you inside and back to resting...
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 04:41 am (UTC)[He's heading back into the room.]
Now, you, on the other hand... It hasn't been a full two weeks yet.
[He gets into bed, looking at Aiden.]
So, I want to ask again... are you sure you're alright?
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 08:18 am (UTC)Fair enough...
[ AKA he's been caught, and he knows it. Though, in spite of that, he's hesitantly nodding. ]
I'm...
[ ... realizing that lying to Masayoshi is stupid, after a moment. Which is why he might appear to deflate, and then cringe, soon after. ]
Well... [ deep breath... then, quietly: ] ... I'm tired.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 12:03 am (UTC)[A soft sigh.]
Aiden, please, I don't want you endangering or pushing yourself that hard on my behalf.
[He draws in a breath, then looks to him.] ... two weeks from this point on. Obviously it's up to you to enforce that, but... your magic has obviously had a negative impact on you, and I worry what may happen if you strain yourself too much again this soon.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 10:44 am (UTC)Okay.
[ There's a moment where his hand reaches out, hovers, and then draws back... And then, after a moment of visible consideration, he reaches out to rest his hand on Masayoshi's shoulder. ]
I can't promise I wouldn't do it, again, in a similar circumstance... but I won't use anymore magic for two weeks, if nobody's life is at risk, again...
[ There's a little more hesitation, but he's moving to sit down, hand very lightly patting Masayoshi's knee. ]
And I still say you were more than worth it...
no subject
Date: 2018-09-01 05:46 pm (UTC)[He watches him take a seat, and when he says that... his expression tenses a little briefly— like he isn't sure what to say...
There's a great bit of hesitance here as his gaze drops away, but when they finally do come back up to Aiden, there's something... slightly vulnerable in them.]
What is it that you see in me? I can't— figure it out.
[Sure, he hasn't hurt Aiden like he's hurt Akira and Goro— those kids are even more of a mystery to him... but he hasn't been anything... extraordinary? In fact he'd... really fucked up, at one point, so why is Aiden still insisting on this...]
no subject
Date: 2018-09-01 08:39 pm (UTC)My list is similar to yours, I suppose... [ pressing a hand to the back of his neck ] You carry a lot of feelings similar to mine, and to what Goro's felt.
[ There's a soft frown. ]
When I think of you, I imagine a person attempting to walk through a dense storm. They're barely able to make out the figures in the distance, but they know that those are figures of people they care about.
So they keep going, even when they have to shield their eyes from the intense rain, and even when the wind continues to try forcing them backwards a bit. That person never gives up, even if it is more for those people waiting for them in the distance, than for their own sake...
[ He's giving a dim sort of smile - there's something sad to it, even as there's something softening in his voice. ]
And, sure... they might stumble backwards a little... but that's okay. Sometimes you can't help the force of the wind, or how blinding the rain is. Sometimes it's all we can do to stay upright. And sometimes it's all we can do to take a moment to wait it out a bit. It's not about the intensity of the storm, though, is it? It's about how strong we fight against it...
[ He lowers his gaze. ]
I see you not stopping until you get there.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-02 04:48 am (UTC)But he listens to the poetic words quietly, brow furrowing slightly. Shido isn't a very poetic person himself, and yet...
His own expression softens the more he goes on. The figure that Aiden paints with his words— stubborn, persistent, so incredibly loyal...
Is that truly him?]
... hah.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-08 11:01 pm (UTC)Which part? Or... is it just all of it?
no subject
Date: 2018-09-14 04:28 pm (UTC)When I think about how I let myself stray from the path, and then commit more and more atrocities while reassuring myself it was all for the greater good... That sort of a person is... difficult for me to forgive.
I wasn't forced. Coerced, at best. Yet the corruption already had a seed inside of me before... that god played any part.
I know better than to argue against you all. I know some of you have your own stories of similar or worse misdeeds.
[He's quiet for awhile, then looks slowly to Aiden.]
... I'm almost certain I have one myself, you know. [He gives a weak smile.] A Palace... [He looks away, the smile quickly falling apart.] Again.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-22 05:03 pm (UTC)Everyone has a seed of bad, from the moment they're all old enough to think for themselves.
[ There's a soft frown as he thinks over the last part. ]
Given what I've learned about them, I wouldn't be surprised... [ looking to the floor ] ... Do you want to find out, for sure?
no subject
Date: 2018-09-24 04:41 am (UTC)It's... bad to have a palace. He feels terrible shame over it. But...]
Yes. I've been a coward for far too long... [His eyes narrow slightly with pain.] Avoiding this because of the shame over my first palace. [He gives a wry smirk.] I've been... avoiding the problem again. Just as I was the first time. [His hands tighten into fists at his sides.] I clearly... haven't learned a damn thing, have I?
[Shido lets out a small laugh, bitter and sharp.]
no subject
Date: 2018-09-24 05:17 am (UTC)... Bad to have a Palace, you say...
Why not say that to Aiden's face, buddy. :v ]
Did you ever reach out, at all, the first time?
no subject
Date: 2018-09-25 09:09 pm (UTC)And his brow furrows at that.]
I should have. And I should have done this sooner. [he seems... rather intent on beating himself up about this]
no subject
Date: 2018-11-05 05:53 am (UTC)You're doing it now, right? I don't think it's about... what you should have done, more than it is about what you're clawing your way out of... in this moment, right here, right now.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-27 11:03 pm (UTC)...yes, perhaps you're right.
[He gives a bit of a smile, just a touch wry.]
You're quite kind to this old man.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-28 11:07 am (UTC)Well... you'd fight... my demons, too, right?
no subject
Date: 2018-12-02 07:55 pm (UTC)Isn't that what I have been doing?
no subject
Date: 2018-12-05 02:24 pm (UTC)... Yeah.
[ He gives the hint of a smile. ]
It means a lot.